The Beginning
by Darcys Lady
Summary: When Edward met Bella he was the last of the four Cullen men to find their perfect match. The untold story of how their beloved patriarch found his one true love - the story of Carlisle and Esme.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone, this is my first ever fanfiction - I hope it's alright! I had a few issues with chapters etc but hopefully it's all sorted now! If not just let me know! Thanks to those of you who have commented already you guys are quick! Anways it's my first day back at uni today so I'll try and get some more done before things get too busy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight masterpiece - thought I wish it - all honours go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Prologue**

**Esme.**

**Columbus, Ohio. 1921**

I walked slowly up the ever-steepening hill; the forest growing thicker by the minute and the sun almost completely shut out by the thick cover of tree top foliage. Every now and then a determined scrap of sunlight would work its way through, casting eerie shadows on the forest floor.

The temperature had dropped, the warm early afternoon sun blocked from warming my back, and I now shivered and pulled my thin jacket tighter across my hunched shoulders. I kept my head down as I walked aimlessly, stumbling over fallen branches and rocks that I didn't see. I honestly could have been anywhere and not known it. My mind was far away, back in the small room where I'd stood not even a week ago and heard that news that pushed me over the edge. A shudder ran through me as I remembered…

Black spots danced in front of my eyes as I gripped the doorframe of my sparse little home. The doctor knelt on the cold hard floor, his hand feeling the pulse in my tiny sons little wrist. The room was jarringly silent except for the rattling wheezes that emanated from Grant's tiny chest. It was sporadic, punctuated by coughs that shook his whole body and sent an ice-cold rush running through my veins. A lung infection, that's what the doctor had said. All I could do was keep him warm and try and get him to eat and drink; I couldn't afford to take him to the hospital and even so he said there was little they could do. _Please God, not my little boy, not this one too…_

"Please my sweet little one…" My fervent plea – a mere mummer – went unheard by the doctor as he pressed the stethoscope to my sons heaving chest.

I watched in horror as the doctor turned away from Grant's body with a sigh and packed his belongings into the black bag on the floor. My heart began to stamp out a frantic beat and the black spots danced wildly. _What was he doing? There had to be something else? He wasn't giving up was he? _

The look in the doctor's eyes as they finally met mine confirmed what I already knew but had avoided until now. "I'm so sorry Ms. Platt, there's nothing else I can do."

I nodded stiffly, my heart going cold in my chest. The doctor walked to my side and placed a hand on my arm. "I've made him as comfortable as I can."

I stepped aside, my eyes never leaving Grant's little face as the doctor made his way down the rickety stairs and out into the night. On wooden legs I walked the three strides over to Grant, a tiny bump on the pile of blankets. Kneeling by his side I drew him into my arms and rocked him gently humming our favourite song as quiet tears slowly streamed down my face. I sat there, holding him close and savouring each moment as dawn began to slowly break over the mountains. With a shaking finger I brushed his blonde silky hair to the side, placing a kiss on his brow. Two years old, I'd only had two years. "God please…" my voice broke and I pressed my face into his chest trying to ignore the rattle; breathing in his sweet smell. As the sun rose over the mountains Grants little body heaved a final breath and then he was gone.

My breath came in short gasps as I stopped, arms clasped tightly around myself, and waited for the tree's to stop spinning. Falling onto my knee's hard sobs made it even more difficult to breathe and I fell to the ground, not caring if I ever got up again. I curled into a ball and rocked from side to side, just like I had holding Grant those last few hours, tears streaming down my face and soaking into the already damp earth.

I'm not sure how long I lay there for - crying out and begging God to kill me, to end my misery and take me to heaven to be with my babies - but when my breath finally became even I knew what I would do.

Standing, I now walked with purpose up the steep hill. Each step bought me closer to my goal and the burn in my muscles only served to spur me on. I finally broke out into the clearing I had been looking for and walked slowly towards the cliff's edge. Taking in my last deep breath of fresh air I smiled in anticipation; soon it would be all over and I would once again hold Grant in my arms. I gave no thought to the possibility of pain and calmly threw myself over the edge.


	2. Chapter 2

**One.**

**If this is fate I don't know if I ****agree with its methods.**

It had been a quiet morning on the wards. I had started at nine o'clock the night before and was dragging my heels as my shift drew to a close. The hospital had started clocking all hours, becoming extra vigilant to stop doctors from over working themselves and I now had a mandatory day off. Little did they know I could work all day everyday from here until eternity without needing more than a three hour break every other week or so to hunt. No, they weren't up to speed with the capabilities of a doctor who also happened to be a vampire.

To keep myself occupied I planned on making house calls to the low-income areas in town; if my heart were breakable I would be in agony whenever I made those visits. Unable to afford even the most basic of health care, the poverty stricken of Columbus, Ohio were in desperate need of a good Samaritan – or maybe just a vampire trying to pay penance for the dammed life he lived and give the endless days purpose.

By mid morning the hospital was buzzing. A bank robbery had bought in six injured and one dead – thankfully the dead man was the criminal himself, shot down by a police officer. I tried to no avail to convince them they were in need of extra hands and so I reluctantly turned to my last task for the day.

"Dr. Cullen, do you have a moment?" I turned to find one of the nurses standing in the doorway. Tying the last stitch on a wound I left the bandaging to another nurse, wiping my hands and heading for the door. I stopped just short of the nurse; I found this was best. Even when I tried my best to seem friendly and approachable people instinctively shied away from me – their unconscious telling them to be wary of this beautiful, god-like creature.

The nurse looked tired, she was a dedicated soul and I often found her in the wards on her day off, visiting patients and making them smile; forgetting their pain even if only for a brief moment. "A young woman was just bought in. She threw herself off a cliff."

I sucked in a breath through my teeth and felt my mood grow even darker. "Is she alive?"

The woman sighed and rubbed her hand absently on her arm, "Barely. They've taken her straight to the morgue. They said we don't have enough staff or room to try and save her. They need a doctor to declare her officially dead." The last few words came from between gritted teeth and nurse looked upset at having to deliver the news she clearly found offensive. I agreed to deal with it and made my way briskly down to the hall, as fast as human speed would let me.

When I reached the morgue I found that the orderlies had simply left her there unattended. Rage rushed through my body and I was glad that after over two hundred years of practice I could find it within myself to not kill or at least frighten the life out of the insensitive men.

As my rage simmered down I began to hear the soft irregular thrumming of her still beating heart and it drew me over to her side. She lay with a sheet pulled up under her arms and her arms placed on top of the sheet. He arms had sustained minimal damage, a broken wrist and perhaps a broken shoulder, but there were some deep bleeding gashes and bruising. I cringed in thought of how damaged the lower half of her body would be and avoided taking a look for the moment.

Leaning over I looked at her face and it took my breath away. It wasn't just her beauty; she was young, I guessed her to be about twenty-six years old, with a heart shaped faced and caramel coloured hair. There was something about her face that made me think of my own mother, a kindness that seemed to seep out of her delicate features. Even the deep gash across her forehead, one that sent blood running down the side of her face didn't detract from the kindness and I felt something inside of me shift as I looked down at her.

As I stood there I though of the conversation I had had with Edward, my son for all intensive purposes, just the other night.

"Do you get lonely Carlisle?" We had been hunting and now sat, having gorged ourselves on a herd of elk, on a large flat rock overlooking the river.

The question came as a shock for I had been thinking about something else entirely opposite. You see, Edward is just like me, I changed him twenty years ago when I found him dying from Spanish Influenza. There is one difference between Edward and I however; we aren't sure why but Edward is able to read peoples minds. It's something he's just always been able to do and believes that it perhaps stems from his knack for reading people when he was human. So his question surprised me, as I had not been thinking of that feeling, not now at least.

"What made you think of that?" Edward looked down at the ground embarrassed. I waited patiently for him to form an answer.

"Well, I could tell that there was something you had been working not to think about when you were around me and started to put together the pieces the other day when we went into town. Whenever we passed a couple on the street you became very enraptured by the architecture of a nearby building, comparing it to all the others you've seen I your life. I'm sorry Carlisle but no one obsesses over architecture that much!"

I chuckled sheepishly, "Clearly I don't give you enough credit!"

Edward said nothing, _What aren't you telling me?_ Lately I'd developed a habit of thinking my thoughts instead of speaking them aloud; it came in handy when humans were around as it gave us the privacy y we often needed. We tended to revert back to it a lot lately and it seemed I rarely said anything out loud anymore.

He lifted one shoulder in a shrug, "Well, I might also know because I decided to find out what it was that was bothering you. I hate it when people shut me out so I decided to find out a different way. I followed you to work the other day and sat outside your office." He cringed a little and looked up to see if I was mad.

Shaking my head I laughed sadly, that had been a bad day. I had sat pathetically in my office feeling sorry for myself, dreaming about one day finding someone who would love me despite everything I was.

"I hope I haven't offended you Edward, most of the time I'm not lonely, you fixed that twenty years ago. It's just that sometimes…" I let the words trail off; he could hear what I was thinking so I felt no need to continue.

I looked over at him, worried that I had hurt his feelings, only to find him grinning at me devilishly. "So, who are you going to pick?"

Now, even as I stood in the morgue, thinking of our conversation flared up an ache deep inside of me that was becoming more demanding as the years went on. The girl however, for at least the first few years of her life, would spend most of her time as a young, hard to be controlled, bloodthirsty vampire; not at all interested in the love I still wasn't sure was possible for me to feel. Her heartbeat began to grow weaker, punctuated by unhealthy splutters and my brain went into panic mode. How could I do this now? It was broad daylight, how was I supposed to get her out of here? Before my thoughts had a chance to spiral any further out of control Edward appeared at my side and actually managed to startle me.

"The car is at the back door and there is no one else around. Do it now Carlisle! Then go and sign out and meet me at the car."

I asked no question as to how he knew to meet me here and leaned down over the broken body of this captivating woman, pressing my face into her soft fragrant neck and felt the monster within rejoice. As my lips touched her skin I whispered softly, wishing she could hear me. "I'm so very sorry."

I bit her then, surprised that it was easier to give in than when I had changed Edward and then straightening up I wiped my face and ran out of the room; frustrated by the speed I was confined to in public places. I hastily signed out, waving good-bye to my colleagues and making my way to the back entrance. As he had promised Edward was waiting with the car running and the girl nestled in the back seat on a pile of blankets.

As we drove I watched her and held her hand gently, she was still quiet, I assumed still unconscious, but her body would spasm every now and again as her agony broke through the surface. I knew my thoughts were in a jumble, growing more and more knotted every second. The car made its way at top speed down the winding, narrow road that led to our home; its engine groaning at the speed Edward was pushing it to. Pulling up in front of the house Edward ran inside to get a room ready, the house had many large bedrooms, most of which remain unoccupied, but we had all the necessities that made our home look as normal and human as possible.

Taking her in my arms I sped up to the blue room, placing her gently on the bed, moving to a nearby settee to wait out the transformation process.



The hours passed by while I sat watching her intently, standing to hover over her ever so often. After a few hours her hands had clenched into tight fists and her jaw was taught from gritting her teeth against the pain. I stood, anguish cutting through me and wished I could do something to help her. She was breathtaking, even with the gash on her right cheek and the deep bruising on her left, I couldn't even begin to imagine it possible for her to be any more perfect yet I knew when the transformation was complete she would be so – we all were whether we liked it or not.

Edward came in and out, checking on her progress and trying to help pass the time. We were discussing in quiet whispers whether a move was going to be necessary when her change had taken place.

"Do you know who she is?" Edward frowned at her still form across the room.

I shook my head, "No, I don't think I've ever seen her before…." I hesitated, "She seems familiar but…" I shrugged and went back to studying her from my vantage point. Her clothes were well cut and expensive yet worn. She had no hat or purse and was found at the bottom of a cliff in the forests behind the low-income area of town.

Edward shrugged at my thoughts, "Maybe she got the clothes form a charity bin."

I shook m y head, "It's a tailored outfit. Look at her Edward, apart from the dirt and blood caked into her clothing and hair its evident she takes care of her appearance, her hands and nails are clean and show barely any sign of wear and tear that comes from the work most of the women working there consider a part of life."

He nodded, a little amused by my observations. "Well then, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." He chuckled to himself before reopening the book he had been reading.

She was now writhing in agony, her teeth still clenched and hands balled into fists, she had turned onto her side and was curled tightly in a ball her eyes still closed. I walked over to her a placed my cold, hard hand on her forehead wishing there was something else I could do.

Her eyes flew open and pleaded with me; that crazed look that came from feeling like you were burning up but also held a kind of reverence I didn't understand. Her eyes were the lightest blue I had ever seen, it reminded me of the sky on a hot summer day.

I moved my hand to her shoulder and squeezed it gently, "Not much longer love, soon it will all be over."

She said nothing and simply closed her eyes again, wrapping her hands around her middle. I took my seat again and studied her face. Did I know her?


	3. Chapter 3

**Two.**

**Hell**

I was confused. All my life I had been taught that heaven was a bright; golden place void of darkness and misery. And where was Grant? I tried to lift my hand, wanting to rub my eyes and try to scrub away the darkness, but I felt weighted down, unable to even move a finger. I tried to cry out, to scream, to fall so deep into the black abyss that I no longer noticed its presence. Why was it so dark? Where was I? If this was hell what had I done to deserve it? Surely God would not punish me for wanting to be with my babies. Was this what hell was really like? Not eternally damned to burn like common knowledge but sentenced to a life in darkness. What had I done to deserve this? To deserve hell?

I could feel the last threads of sanity beginning to snap under the ever-present darkness that weighed down upon me and had decided to succumb, to let it over take and overwhelm me. I swear I heard someone whisper in my ear before a sharp pain, more like an intense burning feeling hit my neck with great force, breaking through the numbness and then I was sure I must be in hell. The burning sensation made its way, spreading out over my body and working its way right down to my toes. I was convinced that I must be on fire but could not comprehend what was going on. Nothing made sense anymore.

After what seemed like an eternity I felt an ice-cold hand on my forehead. Not wanting to let the fire win I had long since clenched my teeth, set on staying silent. I did not want to give whoever was causing this pain the benefit of seeing that I was in agony. I still had no idea what was going on and though I could feel an ache in my jaw it was dull when compared to the inferno that raged over my body, its intensity pointed directly at my heart. I was aware that my body no longer felt weighted and found myself writhing in agony at one point when I thought that I was going to burn up into nothing but ash. The cool hand on my forehead startled me and my eyes flew open.

I knew I must be in heaven for God looked down on my, his golden hair shone and his kind eyes held mine lovingly. I blinked when God spoke to me in a beautiful melodic voice that sounded like spring rain on the roof and a babbling brook, "Not much longer love, soon it will all be over."

What? What will be over? I wanted to ask him what was going on? If this was heaven and not hell why was I in so much pain? To ask where Grant was but I worried that if I tried to talk I would scream. Instead I closed my eyes and tried to stay quiet, waiting for the moment when I could hold him in my arms again.

I don't know how much longer I lay there, writhing in agony, but slowly the heat began to recede from my extremities, moving in towards my heart and its now rapid rate. It beat so fast I was sure at any moment I was going to explode and the heat burned with an intensity that made the initial pain seem insignificant. My chest rose off the ground with the agony and my hands balled into fists so tight I though they would break under the pressure. I small groan made its way through my clench teeth as the intensity continued to build around my heart.

"Carlisle." The name was spoken softly in another melodic voice that was unfamiliar and then I heard the voice of God.

"I'll take over now. You go, we'll see you later."

I barely felt the pressure of a hand gripping mine as the intensity reached its peak, my heart beating out a rhythm so fast it was barely perceptible and then it faltered and stopped altogether. I panicked and unclenched my teeth when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

Seemingly without any conscious thought I found myself propelled across the room and into the corner, falling into a crouch. I heard a low hiss and it took me a moment to realize that it was coming from my own mouth. My eyes darted around the room looking for the danger my body seemed to suggest existed and then I saw God; a look of understanding and empathy on his face mixed in with…was that cautiousness? I looked down at myself, finding that I was still in my now battered and blood soaked outfit from earlier and realized the position I was in. Confused I stood and found I moved at an unhuman pace before I had even really thought about doing so.

I looked at God again and then around the room appraising it quickly. Everything was so clear; every grain in the wooden floors, the smells around me - cinnamon, exhaust fumes and something floral I couldn't quite place. None of this however fared well next to God; he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Porcelain skin, soft gold hair and golden brown eyes, he stood, hands raised and eyes wary. He was perfect. He smiled kindly and I found myself lost in their colour. I knew I probably wasn't meant to think so but God was…God was handsome! I had never seen anything like his eyes, though they were nothing like the clear blue of Grants eyes…Grant!

"Where is my son?" I clamped a hand over my mouth on hearing my voice. It was soft, melodic, like God's only sweeter.

He cocked his head to the side, a confused looked gracing his beautiful features. "Your son?"

Panic gripped my heart and I felt anger like I had never felt before rush through my veins, my muscles tightened instantaneously and I spoke from between tightly clenched teeth. "Yes. My son Grant where is he?" I tried not to get sidetracked by the fact that even when angry my voice still sounded strangely melodic and the deep breath of air I had taken in felt oddly unnatural.

Everything felt wrong, it all felt off and I started to get a terrible feeling inside my now non-beating heart. What wasn't I being told? I started to panic and realized I'd become completely still, something that didn't seem uncomfortable. What was going on?

Before I could ask the man I believed was God there was a whooshing noise and another person, a young man I guessed to be no more than eighteen, appeared at his side. He was beautiful with tousled bronze hair and golden eyes similar to Gods he cut a striking figure against the bright white walls. He spoke quickly a fast mummer that I knew I shouldn't be able to hear but did.

"Carlisle, she thinks she's in heaven." His voice was laced with anguish and something else I couldn't quite understand.

A look of distress crossed the face of the man named Carlisle and I began to feel my world crumbling down around me. The young mans word repeated over and over through my mind. _She thinks she's in heaven._

I stared at them, utterly bewildered and managed to choke out a question. "What do you mean _thinks_?"

The two men said nothing and avoided meeting my eyes so I tried for another. "I died didn't I?"

The young man opened his mouth to speak but Carlisle placed a hand on his shoulder and tilted his head towards the door. They seemed to talk without speaking; the young man looked at Carlisle like he was listening intently and then nodded, "I'll be close by if you need me."

I heard the young man head down a set of stairs and then the closing of a heavy door. "Could you please tell me what's going on?" My voice was now low, pleading, in my desperation to see Grant.

"What is your name?" God…Carlisle…whoever he was spoke softly from across the room and I let myself appraise it for a moment. It was expensively and tastefully furnished, though it was misses the touches of a woman. The walls were a soft blue and the furnishings a light ivory. I had been lying on a large ornate bed that sat in the middle of the medium sized room that obviously sat on the second story and looked out over a forest. Nothing in the room, or what I could see outside, told me where I was. This all took me mere seconds to process, something that made my frown deeper.

I turned my attention back to Carlisle who was still waiting on my answer. "My name is Esme Even," I paused; it was time to totally bury the past. "…Esme Platt."


	4. Chapter 4

Three

The past, present and eternity.

_Esme. My name is Esme Platt._ Suddenly it came to me and I wondered why I hadn't realized earlier. This was little Esme Platt who's leg I had reset when she was sixteen.

That was when I had lived on the other side of Ohio, moving shortly after the day I saw her in the hospital. Tears had stained her face when she was ushered into the waiting room by her concerned mother. I smiled in remembrance of the cause for her injury.

She had sat stoically in the waiting room, her teeth worrying her bottom lip and an occasional solitude tear running forlornly down her pale face. She sat stiffly, keeping all pain off her left leg and dirt smudges on clothes combined with the twigs and leaves in her caramel hair hailed the beginning of an interesting story.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Cullen." I lifted her carefully and carried her into the treatment room, her mother following closely behind, hovering helplessly. Smiling warmly but also careful not to show my teeth I watched as she shyly stared at her lap; her leg must be intensely sore but still she didn't complain.

"I'm Esme. Esme Platt. It very nice to meet you sir." She had looked up from her lap and now stared at me with large blue eyes rimmed red form crying.

"Well now what happened here?" I gently probed her leg, watching as usual to see her reaction to my cold hands. She showed no sign of having found it strange and I felt more at ease.

She winced and bit her lip as another tear ran down her cheek. "I'm sorry is it very sore here?"

I watched in amusement as she looked up at me, her chin slightly rose. "It's not too bad."

I held back a smile; the girl had pluck and clearly didn't like to be considered weak.

"Do you mind me asking what happened?"

Her mother interrupted and startled me a little; I had almost forgotten her presence. "Silly girl. Always trying to rescue everyone and everything. If it wasn't baby birds and stray kittens it was painting the house for the old lady down the street and getting covered in paint in the process!"

"Mother!" Esme blushed furiously and sent a warning glance at her mother who only lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. It seemed they shared differing opinions on that matter.

She turned to me again, a smile coming to her face. "I was walking along by the creek when I heard a cat mewing. I looked up and saw a little kitten stuck up in the tree so I climbed up to help him. I got most of the way down when a dog started barking and it surprised me by jumping out of my arms. Then I fell." She sighed.

"If it hadn't hurt so much it would have been funny." I chuckled softly at the disgusted look on her face; clearly she saw pain as a sign of weakness.

"And the kitten?" I was almost finished setting her leg, something I could do with my eyes closed.

"Fine. After I fell he calmly climbed down and dashed off down the path leaving me lying pathetically on the ground crying out for help!" I laughed out loud then and she joined in.

After that day I never saw her again and never gave her another thought. Well, until now that was. She stood waiting for me to speak, her eyes darting around the room every so often and her hands clench tightly into fists by her sides.

"It's lovely to meet you Esme, my name is Carlisle, Carlisle Cullen." Her frown grew deeper when she heard my name and I watched as she cocked her head, emotions playing across her face. Anger, disbelief, fear… Then finally her eyes flew open and she grew wary, backing into the corner and leaning into a crouch.

"I'm not sure what type of sick joke this is, would…" Her confidence wavered and a tortured looked began to fill her eyes, desperation still marring their edges. "Do I know you sir?"

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, a move born purely out of habit. "You do. We met about ten years ago. You were sixteen and had broken your leg trying to help a kitten stuck up a tree. I was your doctor."

"But…" She spluttered. "But…I mean…that was…" she stood upright now. "That was over ten years ago you should be, I mean you haven't…" She petered off and stared at me incredulously.

"Where am I?" The question was barely a whisper and I felt something within in me begin to thaw.

"You're at my house, mine and Edwards house. It's in the woods just outside of town."

"What town?"

"Columbus, Ohio." She grew completely still and I decided that it was best to tell her everything as quickly and briefly as possible.

"Esme, I am a vampire. I know it seems impossible but just think about it for a moment. The reason you are alive and not in heaven is because you were bought into the hospital and I decided to save your life."

"I'm not in heaven?" Her voice was still barely I whisper.

"No. I…" I was beginning to feel nervous about her reaction, "I bit you, allowed the venom to transform you."

"So, what you're saying is that you changed me into a vampire just like you and…"

"Edward." I supplied, trying to gauge what she was thinking.

She laughed then, her body shaking with the ferocity and I stood stunned at her response. "You almost had me for a moment. I never expected people in heaven to be so funny."

I felt my jaw drop; she didn't believe me. How did she account for all of the changes? I said as much and watched as her confidence wavered a little once again.

"How do you account for your heightened senses, the reason you can hear the cars on the main road at least a mile out and the ticking of the clock downstairs? How about the burning sensation in your throat that distracts you so much you can barely breathe? Here," I gestured to the mirror behind her. "take a look and see for yourself?"

She looked at me confused and turned slowly towards the mirror. Facing it she stood stock still for a long while; it least a minute. Then she stepped forward and touched her hand to the glass and then to her face.

"I…" She hesitated, taking another look in the mirror her face blank. "I need you to explain everything to me."

I grimaced. I would really feel more comfortable if she had hunted first but I needed to explain all the details first. We stood there as I carefully explained everything. Our vegetarian lifestyle, our eye colour, immortality, the façade; everything! Throughout it al she remain silent and subdued. When I was finished she was silent and moved to look out the window. "I guess I need to go and hut then."

I was stunned to say the least but knew I would feel calmer when she wasn't as hungry. We headed into the forest, me explaining the basic idea. I watched, my heart constricting with worry, as she shut off, letting her instincts draw her in as we circled a small heard of moose.

She was performed quite quickly and delicately for a newborn and we had soon placated ourselves.

"May I return to the house now?" Her voice was unemotional and distant.

"Of course. The blue room is now yours. If there is anything you need don't hesitate to ask."

She nodded and sped off into the forest, leaving me to sit alone on a large outcropping and wallow in my own guilt and pain.

Within moments Edward, who had been hovering nearby, joined me and he sat beside me quietly for a moment, cringing at the picture of Esme as she hunted in my mind and what he had heard while waiting.

I didn't want to risk her overhearing us and so I voiced my thoughts inwardly instead speaking them aloud. _What have you found out?_ I felt guilty for using Edward against her in this way but we both knew it was necessary.

Edward cringed again and I felt my stomach tie up in knots. "She's totally and utterly confused, still slightly unconvinced that this isn't hell. She's a very compassionate creature and although her emotions were totally shut off while she hunted and little bit of horror seeped in.

_What bothered her?_

_"_She felt guilty about killing the animal. 'Poor defenceless little thing' was her exact words."

_And her past? Anything we should be worried about? _Her sentiment for the moose she had bought down made me smile a little, she really was kind.

Edwards face darkened a little. "I feel bad for telling you all of this but it will explain a lot for you.

Her son died. Just a little over a week ago. He caught pneumonia and died in her arms – she couldn't afford a doctor and believes it was her fault she died. She jumped off the cliff so she could be with him in heaven."

I didn't speak but my thoughts spoke of my anguish. "So I…" my voice cracked a little, "I stopped her from be reunited with her son."

It wasn't a question and I buried my face in my hands, barely feeling Edwards hand on my shoulder.

"There is no one to come looking for her Carlisle. I don't know why, but no one will wonder where she is."


	5. Chapter 5

**Four**

**Family.**

I sat in the corner of the blue room, my room. Admitting that out loud seemed to set everything into concrete and that load sat like a ton of bricks on my now stone hard shoulders. The strange thing was I still wasn't completely convinced about what was happening. I wanted to see people I had been seeing everyday, leave the forest and head into town. Carlisle said I was free to if I wished but warned what would happen if I came across humans. Even though I wasn't fully convinced there was no way I was going to endanger innocent lives by foolishly running off.

I got up and looked out the window, staring at the dense wood. I could see why they had chosen this place. Bountiful hunting, privacy and lack of sunlight provided the ideal 'home' for a small vampire family. It was beautiful, even with human eyes I could have seen that and form what I'd seen my room was the most beautiful and had the best room of them all. I had sat there for a few hours, staring at the floor and trying not to think about what was going on when I heard footsteps on the stairs. A quiet rap on my door drew my eyes off the floor.

"Come in." I spoke softly; knowing whoever it was could hear me. The young boy walked in, Edward I think his name was, and came to sit on the floor near me. He was so graceful and lithe, like a mountain lion. He was very good looking with his tussled bronze hair and topaz eyes. He chuckled under his breath and I stared at him quizzically.

"Before we go any further there's probably something you should know. It got forgotten this morning in all the…"

"Excitement?" I shocked myself with the deadpan comment and tried not to stare when he laughed, the sound like ringing bells.

"You could put it that way yes." He ran his hand through his hair nervously and I grew apprehensive

"I can read peoples minds." He winced a little, anticipating my reaction.

I stared at him for a moment and then laughed. "Okay sure…well then what I am thinking about now?" I picture my favourite blue dress in my head; the one with the pearl buttons down the back.

"You're thinking about your favourite blue silk dress; the one with the pearl buttons down the back." He said this softly, knowing I didn't believe him.

The air in my lungs hissed out through my clench teeth slowly. He could hear what I was thinking. He was serious! So he heard when I said he was good looking!

"Oh my." I was distracted for a moment, knowing I should be blushing profusely, when my face didn't heat up. I stared awkwardly at the ground trying to remember what else I'd thought about since I had woken up.

"Everything?" I looked up and rolled my eyes at the laughter in his.

"Hmmm…" He shook his head chuckling softly.

My eyes widened when I remembered what I'd thought of Carlisle when I'd first seen him. "Oh this is so embarrassing!"

He laughed then and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me. "Edward Cullen you say a word to him and I swear I will…." I stopped what would I do? Shrugging I let my eyes fall back to the floor; he was a nice kid; easygoing. This bothered me though and I bit my lip, surprised by the feel of my new teeth against its stone contours, I didn't want to like them. I didn't want this to be real. All I wanted was my son.

"He was a lovely little boy." Edwards's softly spoken compliment angered me a little and I stood, zipping over to the window and staring out at the trees.

I couldn't speak of the lump in my throat but apologized in my head.

_I'm sorry Edward. I'm not ready to talk about it yet._

He came to stand by me, "Carlisle had gone into town, and he'll be back later this afternoon. If you need anything I'll be in my room – its two doors to the left." He turned to go but stopped. "If you want we have a library downstairs." He shrugged, "It helps pass the time." He let himself out then and left me staring pensively out the window.

About an hour later I grew restless and made my way downstairs. I struggled to understand why Edward often moved slowly at a human pace and wondered why he would confine himself. He was at my side in a flash and I laughed wryly, "This is going to take some getting used to."

He smiled understandingly. "I often move at a human pace out of habit. When we're around humans we mimic their behaviour. Remembering to blink, fidgeting and not standing too still for too long. That and the human speed and strength thing seem to freak them out a little!" I smiled wryly. "So we do our best to behave 'normally'."

Understanding dawned and it made so much sense I wondered why I hadn't considered it before. Edward just rolled his eyes at me. "You can't expect yourself to understand everything all at once."

I frowned a little at this. I could no longer deny the truth. I was a vampire and I was not dead and what we were discussing was going to be my reality for eternity. I looked up to find Edwards eyes on me and sighed, shrugging my shoulders. "Guess so."

He chuckled at my resigned expression and went to speak before we heard a car pull in the driveway.

_Carlisle?_ I asked the question in my mind; suddenly fearful that we would be overheard. Edward I could deal with, Carlisle was another thing altogether.

Edward nodded and frowned a little. His expression confused me but I didn't get a chance to ask what was wrong when Carlisle appeared in the doorway.

"Hello." He spoke softly and I simply nodded, letting my eyes fall to the floor. I wanted to rail at him, curse him for turning me into a monster and taking me away from my son but for some reason my heart wouldn't let me. While it broke for the loss of my son it didn't want me to hurt Carlisle. I felt my eyes draw up to his and I stared into them for a moment, losing myself in his golden gaze. Frowning I drew my attention back to the floor, what was wrong with me?

I was surprised when Edward coughed suddenly. I had forgotten he was in the room. "How did you go to day?" Edward was looking at Carlisle with a strange expression on his face, one I didn't understand. It wasn't the expression befitting queries about his day but I made myself drop it and concentrated on the floor again chastising myself. _You've always been too curious for your own good Esme, just drop it._

Carlisle sighed and placed his bag by the door, sitting in one of the large wing backed leather chairs that sat in the bookshelf lined room. "I set two broken arms, treated a common cold and…" He petered off, his eyes flashing to mine quickly and then back to Edward. "And that's all."

I frowned. Concentrating on walking at a human pace over to the bookshelf I grabbed the first thing my hand landed on. Excusing myself I left the room, heading to my room. As I dashed up the stairs I could swear I heard a despair filled groan from Carlisle but dismissed it angrily. He knew nothing about despair.

****

CPOV

I had driven home with a heavy heart that ached unbearably. The afternoon had been a success until I had dropped in to check on a baby born just a week ago. I had delivered him myself and his lack of strength bothered me. Arriving at the home I heard sobbing coming from inside and jogged to the front door, knocking quietly. A young man with red-rimmed eyes opened the door. I guessed him to be about twenty-two years old and I realized that he was the father I had met briefly as I had left the home a week ago. Stepping inside the door I felt my heart break when I only heard two heartbeats and not three. The mother sat in the rocking chair, a bundle held to her chest as tears streamed down her face. The little boy had passed away just shy of an hour ago and the couple was naturally distraught. Offering my condolences I let my self out, wishing I'd been able to reach them sooner.

I quickly stopped by a clothing store to order some items for Esme. She only had one outfit and it was torn and bloodied from her fall. I choose something in her size, a lavender dress and black woollen cape that I would take home for her now. I hated the nerves that rose up inside of me when I tried to decide what to buy so I settled on something simple also buying a new jacket for myself and making my home.

I drove up the drive, angry that although medicine had come a long way from when I first started practicing and even with my extra sense to help me sometimes what we knew just wasn't enough. Parking the car I got out, hearing Edwards voice in the library I sped inside, hoping Esme was feeling better. Would she even want to talk to me?

I reached the door and paused, her scent hung heavy in the air so I knew she was in there with him. It was times like these that I wished I could read minds to; that Edward could somehow clue me in as to how she was before I stepped through the door. I sighed and opened the heavy wooden door.

To be honest I barely saw Edward standing by her side, all I saw was her kind face and caramel hair that flowed softly around her.

"Hello." I cringed inwardly. I felt so stupid, like a schoolboy trying to talk to the girl he was sweet on. Her eyes met mine for a brief moment and I felt my heart sing.

Edward coughed, trying to hide a laugh at my thoughts. _Gee, thanks for the show of support!_ He simply met my eyes, rolling them a little, and then asked about my day.

I sighed and set my black bag down, sitting in one of the wing backed chairs. Edward lent against the other but Esme only swivelled her body towards us, keeping her eyes on the floor. "I set two broken arms, treated a common cold and…" I petered off, panicking as I realized what I'd almost bought up. My gaze flashed quickly to Esme who was looking at me quizzically and then to Edward whose eyes had widened a little. "And that's all."

I watched as she frowned and walked at human speed over to the bookcase, taking the first book her hand touched and heading out of the room. I couldn't hold back the groan of despair that rose to the surface and could only hope she was far enough away. Edward let out the breath he'd obviously been holding since I first started talking about my day and he'd seen the direction my thoughts were going.

He winced and the thought of how she would have reacted and ran a hand absently through his hair, "Sorry. By the time I realized what you were going to say it was too late."

I waved a hand at him, "It's not your fault. I should have been more thoughtful." Panic constricted my heart when I thought of hurting her anymore and Edward frowned, shaking his head.

"Give her time Carlisle, it's only been seven hours. She's taking everything remarkably well all things considering." He proceeded then to fill me in on the day and I had to concede with his earlier statement, she was doing very well. She would need to go hunting again tonight and I wondered if she would go.

"She will." I looked at Edward to find a slight smile on his face. "She spent half the morning, before she believed it all to be true, stopping herself form heading into town to find her life again because she was worried about hurting someone. She knows what needs to be done to keep everyone safe."

I nodded and headed upstairs to get changed out of my work clothes, wishing I could knock on her door and go in and talk with her like Edward had while I was out. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon I knew that. I had to resign myself to the fact that if she ever felt ready to talk to me it wasn't going to be for a long while.

Edward took Esme out hunting that night while I sat at home brooding over the situation and worrying about her. Edward heard the way my thoughts had gone when he got home and laughed at me. He said it was stupid to worry about her; she was a vampire now and bar the problems if they accidentally came across humans she was quite capable of taking care of herself. Edwards's pep talk did little to ease my anxiety and my mind still reeled with the possibilities, as she still looked so soft and breakable. Sick of listening to me Edward headed to his room to play the piano and left me alone in my pensive mood.

After a while I decided to head to my study, hoping to distract myself by reading up on new techniques. I walked down the hallway and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Esme, sitting cross legged on the end of Edwards bed, head tilted back and eyes closed as she swayed slowly to the haunting tune was playing. Hearing my thoughts he shot me a grin. I held back a face splitting smile and went back to watching her when I realized I had yet to bring her the clothes I had purchased in town. Her own outfit was torn and bloodstained and I knew she would feel more comfortable in something else. _I'll put them on her bed, you'll tell her?_

Edward nodded slightly and I made my way downstairs to my office, this was going to be a long night.

****

**Hello!**

**Thank you all for the amazing feedback! I'm sorry that I have been slow to update but this is my first week back at university for the year and I'm already way behind! My chapters seem to be quite short compared with others so I endeavoured to make this one a little longer. I enjoyed painting a bit off a different picture of Carlisle than what we see through out the series. The side of him that lets his emotions rule more than what he knows and the side that isn't set out to be the adult - hopefully that makes sense. I'm still a little unsure as to where to take the story form here so if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. I've started on the next chapter and hope to have it up ASAP!**

**Enjoy your weeks! G.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry its taken me so long to update! I having a nice bout of writers block when it comes to this story so I think I'm going to take a little break - not too long don't worry. If you have any ideas/suggestions or where you like to see them go from here please don't hesitate to IM :-) This chapter is a little sneak peek...moving on a few months from where we last left off too tide you over until I can continue...when I do so I will probably pick up from here. Enjoy and thanks for your patience! D.**

C.P.O.V

Skidding to a halt I opened the front door and sped into the living room where Edward stood, still as a granite statue, by the large bay window.

"Where did she go?" My voice was resigned but a little of my frustration tainted its edges. I was glad Edward knew and could hear that my frustration was not with him – quite frankly I didn't have the patience to explain myself at that moment.

"I followed her scent out to the north for about 2 miles and then it just dropped off suddenly at the creek." I could hear laughter in his voice but I was too worried to care. I swore and slammed my open hand on the table, grimacing as it went right through. Now on top of everything else I needed a new table.

Edward said nothing but simply raised an eyebrow at my thoughts. "You know you don't need to worry about her Carlisle – she's quite capable of taking care of herself and is smart enough to stay away from humans." He paused and regarded me with merriment still dancing in his eyes. "She's doing this on purpose Carlisle; she's trying to get a rise out of you."

Groaning I gripped the chair so hard that the wood splintered beneath my fingers and only served to make me more frustrated. Edward shook his head and laughed. "Are you _trying_ to let her win?"

I merely rolled my eyes and took off out the front door, running at full speed towards the north and the creek where Edward had lost the scent.

I ran for a moment, caught up in my own thoughts and wishing this didn't have to be so hard. At the same time however I understood and it broke my stone cold heart. To her I was nothing but the monster that had stopped her from ending her pain and taken away the one thing in life that bought her joy. Now she was pushing it all down, shoving her emotions so deep inside of her that Edward barely heard anything about it anymore and then only on the odd occasion when we were in town. Only when we saw a mother and child did it seem to be on her mind and Edward and I had become accustomed to not seeing her for a few days after. Something that drove me insane with worry, much to Edwards misery, as he believed I was tormenting myself needlessly. He conceded that she wasn't upset enough to provoke the intervention of the Volturi yet I wished she would talk about it, let me in. But no, I was beginning to wonder if that would ever happen for whenever she saw me a look of despondency marred her features and sent me tearing to the hospital in the hope of distracting myself.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I began to hear the soft babble of the creek. Her scent still hung in the air but, as Edward had said, cut off at the creeks edge. It was still there but was marred by a multitude of other smells, one of them human, and partially washed away by the river. I sighed and crossed over, hoping she had been careless enough as to continue on the other side and smart enough to steer clear of the human. _It was worth a shot but she not stupid enough to let me find her that easily._ I decided to continue along the edge of the creek and skidded to a stop half a mile along when I caught her scent again, she had been jumping through the trees not on the ground, in hope of putting me off.

Smiling to myself I felt a victory and tore off through the trees in pursuit of the woman who had stolen my heart.

E.P.O.V

I sat high up in a giant spruce tree, satisfied with my vantage point in case anyone came looking and, hopefully having successfully covered my tracks, that wouldn't happen anyway. I had headed down stream in the rivers flow for half a mile and then travelled through the trees, high up the in the branches. I ran around in circles for a while, crisscrossing over my own tracks, backtracking until I was about two miles from the house. I was pretty sure that Edward could hear me but I also knew he wouldn't dare interfere, not yet at least. He'd said what he'd felt necessary and would say nothing more.

I leant back against the branch, an action born out of habit rather than comfort. I could have stood, balancing on the branch, completely still for hours and have been totally comfortable. It was something that took getting used to especially as humans found it strange when you didn't move a muscle or blink enough. Edward was right; humans were strange creatures though it felt strange to talk about them so. Already I felt the distinction of 'us' and 'them' even though it had only been considered as 'one of us' for a short amount of time.

I found myself heading into town when both Edward and Carlisle were busy. I would hide in the shadows and watch women my age shopping and talking. If they got close enough for me to hear what they were saying I hung on every word. I felt desperate to join their conversation and wished I had my own friends. For obvious reasons that wasn't possible and that meant I was stuck hiding in alleyways like a crazy person. I hadn't had any contact with other women my age for a long time. After I left with Grant my whole life became consumed with endless hours spent by the one good thing in my life, trying to earn enough money to keep us fed and a roof over our heads. I hadn't had time for friends for all my free time was spent with Grant; time I wouldn't trade for even the least of friendships. In the end it was a blessing in disguise if you agreed with Carlisle.

I sighed and stared out over the trees - Carlisle. Just thinking his name caused my heart to ache and made me wrap my arms around myself. What was I supposed to do about Carlisle?

I loved him most desperately, of that I was dreadfully sure. I'm not how it happened but form the moment I first saw his face something deep inside me shifted and now tormented me every time I distanced myself or ignored his attempts at reconciliation. He was nothing but polite. He was thoughtful, gentlemanly and looked after Edward and myself with the utmost of care. If I was honest with myself, none of the anger I had felt towards him remained; all I was left with now was pain and fear.

Logically, my brain told me that I was stronger than he and most definitely able to my defend myself and most likely overpower him if need be. Added to this my heart told me that I had nothing to fear – that Carlisle was a wonderful…man. Unfortunately, past experiences spoke louder than what I knew deep down inside. Dry sobs choked to the surface and I buried my face in my hands.

Suddenly, all warning bells went off and I realized there was someone or something that had come to the bottom of the tree and I hadn't noticed. I felt every muscle in my body tense and I held my breath becoming completely still and silent. I waited quietly, and tested the air when the breeze wafted their scent in my direction. I had come across the scent of a human a little while back and was proud of mslef for heading the other way. That said, if they were just below the tree, this close to me, I wasn't sure if I would be able to resist. I tested the air hesitantly, my hands gripping the tree tightly when I recognized the scent.

**I hope you all enjoyed that! Question: Who would like to see Esme crack it at Carlisle? Have a bit of a vent and rant and rave for a moment?? Or do you think its time she let him off the hook? PM me and let me know! :-)**

**Have a wonderful week! D.**


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